What would I be doing if I never had kids?

What would I be doing if I never had kids?

This is my entry for the Thinking Homeschoolers Essay. Since I’m usually too busy to think, I haven’t participated yet, but today is different.

This subject came up on the day my oldest child turned 11.

My parenting journey has been a difficult one, but I cannot imagine life without my children.

Parenting was not something I always imagined doing. In fact, one of my sisters and I had a little “no kids” pact. We had a bond between us. She held on to her no kids ideal. I did not. And I can’t even say why I changed my mind. I was 33 when I had my first child. I wasn’t driven to have children, but I was also afraid NOT to have them. I guess I felt like the regret of not having them would be harder to deal with than the regret of having them. Sometimes I look at my childfree sister and envy her life. But probably more often I do not envy her. My children are as much a source of joy as they are pain. They are most certainly a source of pride.

One thing I do not regret is giving up my career. After seventeen years, I called it quits. My youngest was almost 4, my oldest was 6. That was 4 ½ years ago and I have never looked back. Yes, I miss the income. It was nothing to sneeze at, it was half. And I bitch unmercifully about spending money now. It is a small price to pay for the joy of being here with my children and watching them grow.

There is no way I could ever say what I would be doing now if I never had kids. They have changed my life forever. Some days I think it is changed for the better, some days I think it is changed for the worse. That is just the nature of parenting. Before kids, I really had nothing to be proud of. A career, yes. But I wasn’t passionate about it, nor about anything else. Now I am passionate about being the best parent I can be to my three boys.

Happy Birthday Simon!

May 30, 2008 | Filed Under Parenting 

Comments

5 Responses to “What would I be doing if I never had kids?”

  1. Shez on May 31st, 2008 8:37 am

    It’s so good to read something from a conflicted mother. I too am a passionate mother, yet I too never planned on having children. My husband and I often talk about how different our lives would be if we’d remained childless. On some level we even wish we had. However, we’re passionate parents who will move heaven and earth for our children. It’s rather weird having these very dichotomous feelings residing in me.

    I’ve come to believe it is because I do everything 120%, so I would have really enjoyed being childless and at the same time, I parent above and beyond the call of duty, so I love that as well.

    Happy birthday to Simon.

    Shez at Homeschooled Twins

  2. childsplay on June 2nd, 2008 1:19 am

    Happy Birthday Simon!!!

    If Naturalist is any indication, 11 is a pretty darn great year!

    ‘What would I be doing without kids’….hmmm…that’s a big one. But I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be ‘THIS’…what and where and who I am now. And since I love this place I find myself, I’m glad I have my kids to thank for it. (Even Sassy, who has made leisurely eating into a competitive sport).

  3. Jozet at Halushki on June 4th, 2008 10:42 pm

    Ahhhhh…our minds are tending in the same direction. Sort of. I was just writing about how I keep my pre-kid mojo going.

    But it is hard to think about, wonder about what would be different.

    I sometimes like to imagine that I’m on a tramp steamer heading for the Indian Ocean…but that’s only after a really long hard day with the little stinkers. ;-)

  4. Not June Cleaver on June 5th, 2008 3:24 pm

    Shez, conflicted is the exact right word to describe me as a parent.

    Childsplay, I love the image of Sassy as a competitive eater.

    Jozet, my mind tends to wander more toward escaping to a 5 star villa in the Caribbean, but I get your point! ;)

  5. SabrinaT on June 8th, 2008 5:38 am

    Happy Birthday Simon~! Great post!

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